I am gradually gravitating away from Okcupid and online dating, mostly because of the effort and time it takes to make anything work. Most times, it seems like the results do not justify the investment. I still visit the site from time to time though. A month or two ago, I was browsing around on Okcupid when I noticed a fiery redhead with a Gaelic username and a wild smile. Clicking on her picture revealed that it wasn’t actually a smile, but a roar: she was lying down next to one of those lion skin rugs and playing the part.
Needless to say that my interest was piqued, but there was a problem: her profile was completely empty. That wasn’t very useful now, was it? Then I noticed that the Redhead had answered more than 1600 questions, and for many of those she had also made comments. I went through several of them, and soon had much more than enough information for an interesting first message:
Hey there, Redhead from Scotland,
For a writer, you do not write much, do you? The photo did catch my eye though: such wild beauty, such raw energy, such emotion! And you don’t look bad either.
(Sorry about that. Had to be done.)
I don’t usually try to contact women who have empty profiles, but there was something about that picture (this time I am talking about you and not the lion, I promise). So I went through your answers with explanations instead, trying to find some things about you. Luckily, you have answered a few. There are 40 freaking pages of them! And I must say, I have read enough to be intrigued. I would love to meet you in person and, as I know you are interested in a tall, nerdy European, who will absolutely make the effort to get to know you (oh, and leftist! Don’t forget I’m leftist! You’ve made that requirement abundantly clear!), I think you should drop me a line sometime.
I thought this was one of my best opening messages on Okcupid. She simply thought it was funny. I found out that the reason her profile was empty was that she was still living in a different state, but planning to move to my city soon (she is moving in July). She had simply switched her location on Okcupid in anticipation of her move. Since physically meeting was still impossible, we started exchanging messages every couple of days and, after 2 or 3 weeks of that, moved on to texting.
Our contact became very regular. Every evening, and sometimes throughout the day, we would exchange dozens of texts, updating each other on our everyday life, or discussing ideas and future plans. I really liked the Redhead; we very obviously shared an intellectual connection, and we appreciated each other’s prose, banter and ideas. I was genuinely getting excited about meeting her, not necessarily with romantic intents, but also simply about getting to know her up close and perhaps making a new friend. A couple of weeks ago, she was scheduled to visit the city to see friends, get a feel for the job market and start her search for a place to live. We discussed several times the possibility of meeting.
On Thursday that week, I texted her to say that I was going to be in her neighborhood in the evening to run some chores, and that I would be free after 9pm if she was able to meet. She replied that this was great, and she would let me know soon if she could make it.
I never heard back from her. I texted in the afternoon to remind her of the possibility of meeting, and again after 9 when I was done with my chores, but I received no answers. I have tried 2 or 3 times since then to contact her, asking her what happened. There has never been any reply. After several weeks of being on daily regular contact, the Redhead vanished into thin air without a shred of explanation or reason. Today, I even noticed that she has deleted her Okcupid account.
I have mentioned this before, but it’s not like I don’t get that people have other stuff going on. I am not particularly upset with the Redhead’s disappearing act. But an explanation, or simply a quick note to say that she doesn’t want to be in contact any more would have been nice. It is sad to think that we spent all that time building a connection and getting to know each other through such a difficult medium as text, only to just drop the whole thing on a whim.
Still, it’s all fine, I have no hard feelings. Wherever you are out there, Redhead from Scotland, I genuinely wish you all the best. I hope you find what you are looking for in your journey through life.